Who told people it was my birthday?

Thank you to those who sent me birthday wishes! I'm totally lost on how you all found out (because I didn't post that it was my birthday, not recently at least), but very happy you stopped by to comment.

Not exactly the birthday I had imagined, I have to admit. I was expecting my closest friends to meet me at the bar and just hang out for a few hours. R's uncle didn't show (one of my favorite people in the world, but he did have an acceptable excuse), but the people who did come gave me presents. I really wasn't expecting presents. Yay pretty smelly candle for my house. And my biggest present (from R, of course):
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Isn't he adorable? His name is Argos. He wandered into the yard, loved on the neighbor kids, just really needed a home. He's 15lbs underweight, plus the added weight he should have in muscle structure. Probably around 2 years old, very likely pure-bred. Loves our other dog Tiffany, and she's glad to have a constant playmate too.


It's gonna be a full house with Little H here this weekend for visitation (or longer), but I wouldn't have it any other way. Here it comes, that "perfect" family: Mom in an apron baking cookies, Dad coming home from the office with his thermos in hand, Son that acts just like Dad did at that age, Dog (or two) for Son to play catch with, cute little house, heaven. OK, so Mom isn't putting out and Dad is getting a little "frustrated" in that area, but the outward appearance is perfection. We're working on that "behind the scenes" stuff...

Neuro is DONE!!!!

MRI and EEG came back with nothing unusual, so no more restrictions on R. He can drive, he can PT, he can do his job. Yay.

A few updates, then I will be fairly cryptic for a month or two (maybe a little longer, depends on how the first "conflict" goes):
1. I have officially moved back to the house R and I share.
2. CPS has become involved in the welfare of Little H.
3. We are preparing for the possibility of becoming a full-time family, possibly within 2 weeks.
4. We are starting to redecorate the house (no need to be cryptic here)- new rug for the living room, some wall decorations, spray painted the metal on a couple lamps and light fixtures, slightly rearranged some furniture. Hopefully we can save up in the next few months and get a new couch, and by the end of the year a chair or two to finish off the seating. Screw it, I'll elaborate on the redecorating in it's own paragraph, since a lot happened.

The walls looked boring. I wanted any sort of random metal crap, spray painted bronze-ish. We figured Big Lots (since they have cheap crap, which is fine, since I was going to spray paint it anyway). $15 later we have a pair of round metal-y things. Off to Lowes for spray paint. We had a few options, chose some "hammered" metal-looking stuff in "weathered bronze" or "antique bronze" or "old bronze" or something similar. Walked to the end of the aisle, and there we see (across the sea of flooring samples) a beautiful rug hung up, and a giant orange Clearance sign. Original price: 198. Clearance price (because all they had left was the display rug): 37. We got a new rug. It reminds me of those bored pictures I used to do- swirling lines around and overlapping, then coloring each section a different color. Mostly browns, a little green that matches our wall somewhat, and some pale dusty blue. I fucking love it! Then we came home, put down the rug, demolished our table lamps and took down the ceiling lights in the kitchen/dining area (open floor plan, so they are way visible from the living room) and started spray painting.

OK, so the table lamps aren't back together yet (forgot how they went together, plus I don't like the wood color now, it doesn't match with the bronze, so I'm trying to come up with paint or something to cover that, probably another can of spray paint, I'm too lazy to strip and sand and stain the wood), but everything else is up and looking great. Waiting for a financial upswing so we can buy a nice couch and oversized chair, probably in tan microfiber/microsuede. A couple end tables, a new entertainment center (the old one is black, R's preferred color for most of his life), then the ultimate indulgence- new computer desk, probably L shaped, with separate work stations for desktop and laptop, and a pair of fabulous computer chairs to match. I am going to be in living room Heaven.

And that just makes me dream about the other rooms in the house- new dining set, remodeling the laundry/mud room (that'll be a lot of work, mostly serious stuff- rewiring/replumbing to move washer and dryer, new floor, ripping off the knotty pine and putting up drywall, etc), new/bigger bed in our room, the upgrades Little H's room will need as he gets older... The list goes on, and I'm so excited to tackle each piece. I can't wait! Yeah, so my relationship with R still needs some work (it is coming along, time and patience), but I'm completely in love with my house again, head over heels. And soon we'll be sandblasting the old cast-iron fireplace that's sitting out in the garage, and I'll be painting/tiling it to put in the living room (it'll be completely decorative for now, the only fire that would be in it is candles, and I'm working out a filter in the "chimney" piece so we don't even have candle smoke in the house. Yep, in love with my house again. That's gotta be a step forward in falling back in love with my husband, right?

Neuro Visit #1 (and the exhaustion to come)

I won't get into a lot of details, but I LOVE R's Neurologist (hereby named Dr Giggly)! The whole office is bubbly and fun, he gave me candy while he whacked R's knees, and he thinks that whole "seizure" thing is a bunch of bullshit. Tentative diagnosis: complicated migraine with aura. R has samples of a couple things to try to stop the headaches when they start, and if they don't work, Dr Giggly will give him something to take daily to prevent them. And, really, if R only has serious migraines like this once a year or so, I think we're all good. Dr Giggly is still going to do an EEG and MRI just in case, but he's really certain. At least I think that's what he said. He's Italian, a little pudgy, loud and happy, and you have to guess 2/3 of the words he says due to his accent. He offered to tell the military that it was a seizure, if R would split the retirement benefits (R would be medically retired *kicked out* from the military for seizure and begin receiving partial retirement benefits immediately). Dr Giggly had it all planned out, retirement in Venezuela, offered to send us good Venezuelan wine as gifts. He pushed for it, R had to be all upstanding and honest and want the truth. Oh well, I don't think I could deal with retired R anyway.

The rest of the testing is on Friday. Friday is also the day some our best friends (R's former unit) come home from Ir.aq. So, EEG at 7:45am, then the 2-ish hour drive downstate to watch our friends get off that bus and officially be home, hang out for a little while- crying, hugs, etc, then the 2-ish hour drive back for the MRI at 5:15pm, oh, and then we're spending the weekend downstate, so we get to make that 2-ish hour drive again, probably go out with the guys and cry and hug more that night. I'm going to be fucking exhausted, but I can't wait to see Little Debbie, Double Tap, and Cousie-Pooh again. My heart is lighter knowing that they are in the US doing all their debriefings and evaluations already, they made it home from war. Too many of our guys didn't, and the ones that did will never be the same, but for now they are safe, and that makes me happy cry.

Almost forgot- Dr Giggly is not the Wizard, that all got fucked up by military red tape and we had to wiggle around and beg and plead and finally got into Dr Giggly instead of the Wizard (we saw Dr Giggly this Monday, the Wizard means nothing to us now).

We're off to see the Wizard

Tuesday 2pm. That's when R sees the neurologist to figure out what the hell was going wrong last Saturday. Hopefully they'll realize that the shaking hand was 99% likely to have been caused by the wrench that hit him when he was riding his motorcycle a few weeks ago (apparently some guy had a toolbox in the back of his truck, it flew open, lots of tools came flying out, R caught the wrench in his shoulder, which is much better than a screwdriver or saw blade). Which would mean he'd be allowed to drive again and I wouldn't have to be up here all the time. Kind of tired of being a chauffeur and missing everything downstate (like weekly tubing down the Muske.gon River or the big wedding that was today, I really wanted to go to that wedding it would have been so much fun). And the driving 110 miles (one way) almost daily is killing me. I go back downstate tomorrow night after I pick him up from work, I nanny all day on Monday, come back up here Monday night, to the neurologist (65 miles away) on Tuesday, then bring him back here (another 65 miles) and stay in the car because I have to drive back down that night so I can nanny first thing Wednesday morning. I am soooo glad I have to work the rest of the week, I need the vacation from driving back and forth.

Son of a bitch! Almost forgot we're supposed to meet a few people at the NCO club tonight, better get my ass in the bedroom and change (and put on more makeup, I look exhausted). Guess I'll have time to think about anything else I need to update on, because I don't have the time to type more now.

Update on what the Wizard says on Wednesday. Good thing about Oz... real restaurants, the only option here is a dinky townie restaurant or B.ig B.oy. Yay going out for dinner!

More health-related issues for R

Guess who is back up at the house.... Yep, me. R called early yesterday morning to tell me he was going to the ER. He was having some issues with tingling/shaking in his right hand, bad headache on the left side of his head, random/slight tunnel vision, and a bit of lightheadedness. Oh, and he also couldn't talk, as in he would try to say words and they came out and mumbling no matter how hard he tried. Being medically trained, I immediately associate the dysphasia (speech problem) with maybe a minor stroke or blood clot in his brain. Everything else can be tied back to brain injury as well. The doctors didn't focus as much trying to diagnose the dysphasia, they really wanted to explain the shaking in his arm because that was coming and going all day long and the dysphasia resolved itself in 10-15 minutes.

Diagnosis- focal seizure. Oooooh, the dreaded "S" word. Not so scary because it's just in one hand and we're pretty sure we know why (I will get into those details momentarily), but it does prevent him from being allowed to drive at least until his followup with the neurologist, and possibly for 6 months. His job requires driving, so that might be in jeopardy. The military freaks out when they see the "s" word, so that career might be in jeopardy too. We're not going to jump to any conclusions until we get the neurology report, but the future is really up in the air.

So, I am up here (thankfully I have all but 1 day off this week from nannying, and my mom will come up and drive him around that day) driving him around. Waking up at 5:30am so I can drive him to work (ok, he wakes up at 5:30, I sleep until 5 minutes before we have to leave, but I do hear his alarm clock...), driving back to base to bring him lunch so we can eat together, and back on base again to pick him up after work. Plus any driving to the grocery store for whatever we need. It seems so pointless, because he feels fine and even when the episode was at its worst he could still function (speaking isn't his strong suit anyway, so I don't see it as much of a loss) (joking). But, the dr said no driving, so here I am, personal chauffeur.

On to the cause. When R was 17 he got into a car accident, his car basically ping-ponged off the guardrails on both sides of a small country road. His head hit the post next to him. The cop asked if he wanted an ambulance, R was admirably strong and said he was uninjured and didn't need one. The moron cop listened. R walked the mile and a half home, where he promptly loss conciousness and was found 6 hours later and an ambulance was called. CT scan, MRI, EEG. Nothing found, played off as a concussion with no brain injury. 3 months later he randomly passed out at work, that was basically ignored and called an "anxiety attack." Since then, nothing until about 15 months ago when he had the whole speech issue at work one day, but it resolved itself in just a few minutes so R ignored it thinking it was just a tired thing.

CT yesterday didn't show anything, but they are getting all the authorizations required to send him for an MRI and a consult with a neurologist. It is going to be a very long few weeks. I'm supposed to nanny 2 hours away, 10 hour days, there is no way I can drive R back and forth to work and still work myself. It's no career, but I love the baby I watch and with the possibility that R's job might be on the line, we're gonna need all the money we can get. This is going to be rough.

Until yesterday, I really only had the desire to be here on weekends, maybe one or two days during the week if I didn't have to work. Even now, I don't think I'm even close to ready to move back in. But, R needs me and I can't stand to turn my back on that. Yeah, he only needs me for half an hour twice a day, but he does need me. Hopefully he can find another way to and from work soon, because I can't justify quitting my job just to drive him around. And hopefully the neurologist will find something wrong (because that would mean it's fixable and would never cause another problem in the future, which would mean he could keep his job and stay in the military) and we can fix this soon. If only things were easy.

Yay, I can post titles again

Last weekend was R and mine's anniversary. 3 years. Not quite the anniversary we had planned, considering I'm still living somewhere else and he is still lacking adequate knives (they were a wedding gift from a close friend of mine that he barely knows, so logically the knife set belongs to me if we are separated). That and Ha.rry Po.tter was quite the interference. Some may argue that I should have postponed my reading of the book until after our anniversary, but I had no intention of listening to those killjoys. It's fricken Ha.rry Po.tter, no way is that waiting 2 entire days so that I'd have to read during the baby's naptime (I am now a nanny, a very underpaid nanny, but it's a friend and just about the perfect baby so I don't mind). R felt neglected, but coped very well (he chose to rub my feet and calves while I was reading, not sure when he decided that because I was well into the book before I realized he was even in the living room with me).

Still no progress on my tattoo. There are a few factors effecting that, though. One- watching the baby makes tattoos more dangerous, he's 8 months old and starting to pull himself to standing. One of his favorite standing posts is my legs, and tiny fingernails in a fresh tattoo hurt nearly as much as an HSG. Two- my schedule requires me to be awake early in the day, so I'm tired by the time openings in the tattooists schedule come up, it's hard to be awake and willing to endure pain at 10pm when I have to get up early. Three (and probably the biggest issue, because I can deal with the other two)- I can't stand the owner of the shop, so I schedule my appointments when he isn't there, but he has been there almost constantly for weeks. He's not a terrible guy, but he's not into doing favors for anybody so he'd throw a fit if he found out I was paying less than average for my tattoo, and he'd be a dick about me whining, he can be quite intollerant depending on his moods. I'm biding my time, because I really want to get more work done. I crave ink!

R is still going crazy over planning our next IF move. I'm not even ready to move back in here (2-3 day visits are as long as I can tolerate, and only every other week), but he's got plans for where we'll save money and which bank we'll start an IF treatment savings account in and how to get more vacation days saved up for appointments. He's eating right and cutting back on his coffee, getting help to quit smoking, taking vitamins, scheduling SA just because he wants to know where we're at. Every infertile's dream, except I'm not "infertile" right now, for the time being I'm "not ready for kids." Yeah, I'm still infertile, I still have endo and my body still wouldn't get/stay pg if I tried, but I feel way less infertile than I do "not ready." I've told him that, but he needs to make plans apparently.

Being worried about getting pushed into TTC has me even more apprehensive about moving back. Am I ready for wandings and injections? Am I ready to have another lap and HSG before we even start (because if I do it, I want to do it right and get started with the cleanest reproductive organs I can get)? I'm about to turn 25, my aunt with endo had a complete hysterectomy at 31. Am I headed down that road? Do I have time to put off kids, or should I jump right into it just in case? One of R's best friends is getting a hysterectomy next month, she's 26. Is the birth control I've been on for most of my life enough to control it so I don't end up that way? If I don't feel the overwhelming need to be a mother right now, will that make me less of a good parent if I do get pg soon? Will not feeling that need make my body even less hospitable to a baby? Will my baby know that I had doubts about creating him/her and not love me? I know the answers, but that doesn't stop the questions from swirling around in my head.

Damn blogger and the bug that is not allowing me to title my posts.

I know, weird that I'm blogging again just minutes after my last post. But, I checked with st.atcounter and found something I wanted to share. I have been found by Ira.q. Not just found, I mean found in a search. Not just any search- "real naked soldier pics." So, in honor of my nudie g.oog.le fame, here is a shout out to Camp Li.berty in Ira.q. Lots of love to all our servicemembers, come home safe!