I have snuck my way into the computer lab of the local university, so here I am.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I moved down here. There are still a few things in my car (yes, I am that lazy, plus my room is so damn tiny and I don't know where to put the stuff), but I'm basically moved in. My dad is already driving me crazy- the day I moved in, hadn't even unpacked one box from the car, the first thing he said to me: "what are you making for dinner?" My mom is great, basically just giving me space. R talks to her on the phone most nights, he doesn't have any friends he can rely on, he ditched most of them during his fling with the church. He's getting them back, though. I'm glad, he needs friends, he needs somebody to talk to and relax with while he's going through this.
R is in counseling, he's about to upgrade to twice weekly for about a month. I am so glad he is going, it is going to help him so much. He wants me to start coming up to visit for a day or two a week (not for another couple weeks, he has finally realized the need to back off). I don't know. He isn't that religious freak anymore, but he also isn't really himself yet. He's trying so hard, which is just screwing things up more, going from one extreme last month to the other this month. Maybe once he settles back down I will think about it. I've never been able to say no when it comes to him, all logic goes to hell and my brain doesn't even try to override my heart. But I am being strong, I am taking this time for myself and not even offering the option until he's been in counseling a month (almost 2 weeks already, so he is making progress). If I do go up to visit, I think I want it to be on a day he has counseling, so I can go with him and have a couples session, work on some of "our" issues. I won't be sleeping in his bed, none of that kind of stuff, just being in the same half of the state and talking. We'll need a lot of that before we can really do much else toward staying together.
I have about 20 other things to do while I have access to the internet. Thank you everybody for your support and kind words. I couldn't do this without you.
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A new chapter in life, but it seems more like an entirely new life, and I'm loving it.
About Me
- Roy
- The great wild North, Michigan, United States
- Once infertile, always infertile, even when getting pregnant is the last thing on my mind. Divorced, living with Mom, making a new life and proud of what it has become. Oh, and falling into love again just when I thought I wouldn't mind never doing that.
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4 comments:
Good to hear from you! Sounds like you are doing okay, and that R is finally realizing that some changes are needed. I think it's wonderful that he is going to counseling, and that it's a great idea to go together if you are hoping to work things out between you.
Keep us posted on you either way! Good luck!
For internet access, try your local public library if the university falls through.
I'm really sorry to hear about your separation. Nothing seems to be easy, does it?
I'm glad you were able to get online...I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I wanted to say something and I hope this doesn't come off wrong. My husband and I have different points of view spiritually. I am a practicing Christian, I go to church regularly and I try to be involved in Christian ministries and activities. The topic of religion makes my husband almost uncomfortable and he doesn't practice anything -- at least not that I'm aware of or that he's ever shared with me. I believe he has his own beliefs and values. But I was always taught that it's not my place to change him. It's not my place to preach at him and it's not my place to tell him how "bad" he is for not going to church. It's my place to just be the Christ-follower I am and to be an example. It's GOD's and only God's place to change him. We may be "unequally yolked" as the Bible puts it. But I absolutely believe that if I start trying to change my husband, I'll drive him away. I'm pretty sure God doesn't want that either -- plus, I love him so much, I can't even picture trying to change him just to fit MY view of what's right & wrong. I hope your husband can really learn to just be the God-fearing person he is without trying to change you (the counseling will possibly address this...). Your beliefs are yours and your values are yours. It doesn't mean they're wrong just because they don't match his. You have your own relationship with your God (maybe...or maybe not...) and it's God's place to deal with each of us. Please keep us posted on how things go. I'll be honest...I hope you & your husband can work it out. But ultimately, you have to do what's best for you. {{HUG}}
I'm stuck on a computer that will let me see my blog, but not sign in, I don't get it.
Thank you Amy, that's the way I see it too. I was always very encouraging in his 5 days a week at church, I just wanted to be able to do my own thing and have the same kind of support. I think he's seeing that now (he's stepped back from that church, they got kinda cult-ish and scared him away), and that's a huge step for us.
It took 6 months for me to change into a person that could leave my husband, it's going to take quite a while for me to change into anything else, but he's willing to wait and work for me, so I'm willing to put some work into it too (once I'm comfortable with the break I needed and confident that he's got his life back in his own hands). It's rough, one day at a time.
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