Last weekend was R and mine's anniversary. 3 years. Not quite the anniversary we had planned, considering I'm still living somewhere else and he is still lacking adequate knives (they were a wedding gift from a close friend of mine that he barely knows, so logically the knife set belongs to me if we are separated). That and Ha.rry Po.tter was quite the interference. Some may argue that I should have postponed my reading of the book until after our anniversary, but I had no intention of listening to those killjoys. It's fricken Ha.rry Po.tter, no way is that waiting 2 entire days so that I'd have to read during the baby's naptime (I am now a nanny, a very underpaid nanny, but it's a friend and just about the perfect baby so I don't mind). R felt neglected, but coped very well (he chose to rub my feet and calves while I was reading, not sure when he decided that because I was well into the book before I realized he was even in the living room with me).
Still no progress on my tattoo. There are a few factors effecting that, though. One- watching the baby makes tattoos more dangerous, he's 8 months old and starting to pull himself to standing. One of his favorite standing posts is my legs, and tiny fingernails in a fresh tattoo hurt nearly as much as an HSG. Two- my schedule requires me to be awake early in the day, so I'm tired by the time openings in the tattooists schedule come up, it's hard to be awake and willing to endure pain at 10pm when I have to get up early. Three (and probably the biggest issue, because I can deal with the other two)- I can't stand the owner of the shop, so I schedule my appointments when he isn't there, but he has been there almost constantly for weeks. He's not a terrible guy, but he's not into doing favors for anybody so he'd throw a fit if he found out I was paying less than average for my tattoo, and he'd be a dick about me whining, he can be quite intollerant depending on his moods. I'm biding my time, because I really want to get more work done. I crave ink!
R is still going crazy over planning our next IF move. I'm not even ready to move back in here (2-3 day visits are as long as I can tolerate, and only every other week), but he's got plans for where we'll save money and which bank we'll start an IF treatment savings account in and how to get more vacation days saved up for appointments. He's eating right and cutting back on his coffee, getting help to quit smoking, taking vitamins, scheduling SA just because he wants to know where we're at. Every infertile's dream, except I'm not "infertile" right now, for the time being I'm "not ready for kids." Yeah, I'm still infertile, I still have endo and my body still wouldn't get/stay pg if I tried, but I feel way less infertile than I do "not ready." I've told him that, but he needs to make plans apparently.
Being worried about getting pushed into TTC has me even more apprehensive about moving back. Am I ready for wandings and injections? Am I ready to have another lap and HSG before we even start (because if I do it, I want to do it right and get started with the cleanest reproductive organs I can get)? I'm about to turn 25, my aunt with endo had a complete hysterectomy at 31. Am I headed down that road? Do I have time to put off kids, or should I jump right into it just in case? One of R's best friends is getting a hysterectomy next month, she's 26. Is the birth control I've been on for most of my life enough to control it so I don't end up that way? If I don't feel the overwhelming need to be a mother right now, will that make me less of a good parent if I do get pg soon? Will not feeling that need make my body even less hospitable to a baby? Will my baby know that I had doubts about creating him/her and not love me? I know the answers, but that doesn't stop the questions from swirling around in my head.
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Nice to hear from ya! I think it's good that you are taking it slow with R - rushing back in obviously won't work, because you've done that before right? At least it sounds like he is doing everything he can to make you want to come back. Hopefully he'll continue on that road once you do come back.
As for the IF and doubts - I would make an appt with your endo doc to discuss the things like how long do you have to wait on kids. That will at least help with some of your questions.
I'm dying to read the new Harry Potter. I'm waiting until my friend's mom finishes it, then I'm next. I wish my husband would rub my feet and calves while I read it!
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