Not that any of you really want these details, I'm just so excited. As you know, I moved out back in May. Things were bad with R. The summer went by, things were slowly getting better. Then all of the issues with Little H, so I moved back a little earlier than I had really planned. We've been continuing to work on our issues, and we've come so far. Except where intimacy is concerned. It's been since March. I just can't get past the trust issues (as in trusting that he will provide adequate attention to me, not just enjoy himself and fall asleep), and that is really hindering getting any further in our reconnection. I want to love him in every way, and emotionally I am feeling the pull towards him more and more every day, but something is holding me back physically.
Last night, my subconcious started getting a little impatient. It decided to let me know that at least some parts of me are quite ready. Holy crap! In 8 months, absolutely nothing has hinted to me that I want to be intimate with R, not much hinting in the 6 months before that either. I think I might want to have sex with my husband. This is a very new thought to me (and a very important one, considering this is supposed to be my TTC with IF blog). I'm not saying that I'm not physically attracted to R, and his arms around me make me feel better than anything in the world. When he holds me, or kisses my cheek, or absentmindedly rubs my feet, I never want to be with anybody else. But this whole wanting to have sex with him thing is actually quite new. I think I like it. Not that I'm really ready to act on it yet, but there seems to finally be a light at the end of the tunnel. If only I could tell R without him getting frantically excited and talking about nothing else until I punch him in the face. At least I know, that's better than nothing.
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