02 April 2007

More Counting

I had a very creepy, way-too-vivid dream last night. Actually, it was this morning right before I woke up (woke me up an hour and a half early and I couldn't even think about going back to sleep). I can still hear the things in the dream, and none of them are anything I ever want to hear in real life. Anybody have a good way to repress creepy dream memories? I want to get it all out of my head and never think about it again.

Yeah, the counting, almost forgot (and it's only been 2 minutes since I typed the title, that dream was creepy, it's screwing up my entire day). Number of contacts in my cell phone: 61. Number that are not friends (Dr, vet, etc): 9. Number that I haven't called in over 6 months and have no idea if they are still working numbers: 15. Number that are additional numbers for a person (home, cell, work): 9. Number that I called when I started packing: 2. That's right, out of 28 people that I know and love, I told 2 (and one on messenger, but we're talking cell phone here). Subconcious faith that I was staying married no matter what it looked like at the time? Laziness? Not wanting to cry yet again? Shame for being in a second failed marriage (the first time I was 19, long story, I may tell it sometime if anybody asks)? Lack of consideration for the people who would most want to comfort me? I don't fucking know. But I do know that I kept thinking in my head that night "would you just go to bed so I can get on blo.gger?" Thanks to everybody who made that thought worthwhile. Your comments really did help me get through every day. A couple times a day I'd get an email telling me about a message, and those emails were my bright spots. I couldn't thank any of you enough.

3 comments:

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Hey, sweetie. Just thinking about you tonight. Sending good thoughts your way.

Cibele said...

Hi Roy, I am sorry that you are going through these rough times. I was glad to hear that you decided to stay and work things out. I'll pray that you 2 can find some common ground again and remember why you fell in love with each other to begin with... All the best!

A said...

I'm thinking of you too, Roy!! (Hey, I'll be the one to ask you about your first marriage here too...I'm on my second marriage as well). Feel free to blog about it :-).