It has been too long yet again. I guess maybe I could blame it on work (after over 2 months unemployed I found a part-time job, and then 3 weeks ago found a second part-time job), or say that it is summer and I have been busy enjoying the great weather, or some other excuse... But I think that a lot of the reason is that I have my friends back. The ones I didn't have time to see when I was married to R, the ones that R called a dozen times a day while we were separated- so much that they changed their phone number and avoided me so that they could avoid him, the ones I forgot about when I was spending every second forcing a "perfect marriage" onto what was so obviously broken... I have my girls that I can say anything to and love hanging out with. And now I have ignored the blog world that I turned to (and hid in) for so long. I am sorry, my dear readers, you deserve more out of me.
It is finally confirmed that my boyfriend (G) and I are moving in together! His father is moving out of state and giving him the house. Small house out in the country, a little piece of land, halfway between town and my mom's house way out in the country... Of course, we have no idea when his father is moving. Possibly this October, maybe next fall sometime... Wonderful news, wrapped in a bit of uncertainty and disappointment. It is hard for me to keep from wanting to break into the house now and take measurements for new curtains, check out lighting to plan for painting, and daydream in every furniture store within 100 miles. 3 months isn't so long to wait, a year would give me plenty of time to plan and design and slowly start buying new dishes... Oh the unfinished thoughts running through my head, because without a timeline I can't prepare. I really do like to plan and prepare and daydream.
The housing situation is up in the air, but the relationship is as amazing as ever. His mother is up here visiting from Louisianna the past week and last night was a family get-together at his sister's house. His brother has always welcomed me with open arms, but I was a little nervous about his mom and sister (R used to be quite close with the family, cut them off before we even started dating, then tried to re-bond with them after our divorce when he found out that my friendship with G was turning into a relationship). Everybody was so great to me last night, telling stories about when they were kids, Mom even leaning in to tell me silly memories she had of them growing up.
What an amazing feeling, being included. R's family was always so cold to me, and sometimes downright cruel to him right in front of me. I have always known that my family couldn't be the only one that loved so deeply and obvoiusly, that only wanted each other to be happy, that welcomed new members with open arms. It is so great to see everything wonderful about my family reflected in G's. They don't even blink at the age difference (I will be 28 in 3 weeks, he will be 40 this winter), they don't question how we became so close (my brothers knew him, R never introduced us or ever wanted to be around him while we were married, even though R and G had known each other since R was born), they just accept me and actually care about getting to know me. A horrible family can so easily wreck a relationship, but G's family is going to be the kind that embraces it and makes the relationship that much better. Loving him is the easiest thing I have ever tried or wanted to do.
R is engaged. Turns out the felon got off with just some probation. She has banned him from letting me see Little H, and he is going along with it. I miss my son. His smile, his laugh, his cocky attitude. Watching him sleep at night, the faces he makes when he is reading an advanced book and he can't pronounce a word. I die inside when I think about it, so I shut it out. Even these few sentences took so long to write because I couldn't see through the tears.
So that's where I am now: so in love with G, wanting nothing but forever by his side, devastated that my ex is moving on because that means my stepson is gone too. Life isn't perfect, but for the most part it is pretty damn close.