Nooner

Sometimes, a day happens that makes you eat your words. Just 5 days ago I was sure my marriage was in trouble, I just knew we couldn't survive the fight we had. And then today R comes home for lunch (with Mt. Dew for me because there was none in the house and I am seriously addicted) and I couldn't keep my hands off him. It wasn't a horny thing, because AF is fixing to arrive this afternoon and she ruins any sort of sex drive. It was a "I love my husband and I would do anything to be close to him RIGHT NOW" thing. I haven't felt that in at least 3 months (hmmm, that length of time coincides with us making our TTC break official).

He's back at work now, but as I sip my uber-caffeinated sugar drink I can't help but feel like I would die without him. How could those problems get so big that it would risk our marriage? For 5 days I figured I'd just go through the motions until we both just broke down and admitted our marriage was unfixable. And today I've changed my mind. He is the one I want to be with forever, and I've always known that. We have to get through this rough patch, because I can't imagine kissing somebody else feeling that perfect- the world melting away and my whole body flooding with pure happiness and comfort.

OK, so I'd trade sexual favors for Mt. Dew any day, but today wasn't about the Mt. Dew. Today feels better. The black hole is 100% behind me and I feel like myself and I'm happy. I still hate our town, I still want a baby more than anything, I still wish some things were different. But I'm happy and I can enjoy today. The sun is peeking out for a few minutes before the massive snowfall we expect tonight, the icicles are glittering in its rays, and just seeing it through my insulated windows makes me feel warmer. Today is good, and I don't ever want it to change.