We already chose names

...or....
I wouldn't name my baby boy Dave.

Maybe we need to start up a twins name list, because last night the universe felt like it needed to tell me something. Waking up hurts the deepest parts of you when you dream about the child/children you may never have.

Apparently my subconcious likes screwing with the rest of my brain. So, sometime between 2 and 4 am, I delivered twins. Baby A: boy, 5 lbs, we named him Dave. Baby B: girl, 4-ish lbs, can't remember her name but I think it was Dana. BTW: in my dream I had to invent the weights myself, but the dream got to choose names that were not on our list. Full term, natural vaginal delivery. And like every good mother, I don't remember anything about labor. Not easy knowing you are dreaming and having to pull weights out of your butt for the twins you know damn well you did not just deliver. The girl was much smaller, but those are respectable weights considering I'm 5'4" and 104lbs pre-pg (and I did use that exact logic while I was dreaming).

The dream focused on the weirdest of details. I would think (when awake) that I would stare and touch every spot on my babies, I would memorize their hands and feet and not be able to stop stroking their head or back while I held them. Nope, not in that dream. In my dream, I spent a lot of time in front of a full-length mirror (which my parents do not have in their house) checking out my pp belly. At least that part was realistic- it was big, very squishy, I'm pretty sure it was a rather realistic interpretation of my body with a 24hr pp belly (I've seen a few on other people, so I guess that's what it would likely look like in me). Of course, the rest of the dream was off.

* they would not send twins home at 12 hrs old, especially with one barely weighing 4lbs (she looked so tiny, one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen)
* we went to my parents' house, and that's 2 hours from where we live
* R was nowhere in my dream
* my parents' house was spotless, and that absolutely never happens, ever
* I decided to walk to Goofball's house (which, even in reality, is only 1/4 mile down the road from my parents), the day after delivering twins, and I only took the boy. No way I would leave my newborn girl the day after she was born (left her with my dad, who was absolutely in love with her, but still, I wouldn't let my babies out of my sight) and I don't think walking any distance would be part of my plan 12 hrs pp
* I don't remember Goofball holding the baby, but I remember calling it Goofball's house and not Papa (my grandfather, the most amazing man I know)'s house, and my grandparents moved in there almost 10 years ago when they built the addition and sold their house to my parents (hence the 1/4 mile distance inbetween). I haven't called it Goofball's house (not out loud) since he died, I have to call it Papa's house so I don't cry.

And that's what I really remember. There was somebody at my other uncle's house (which is located between my parents and grandparents), but I don't remember anything about that other than vague remembrance of talking to them. It was a very skinny person, and neither my uncle nor his son is that, but I don't remember who it was. In the dream neither baby cried, I didn't feed them, I didn't change a diaper, I didn't even see the carseats we must have used to bring them home from the hospital. Come to think of it, I didn't see any baby stuff at all, no crib, no diapers, no swing. Great, now the dream got even weirder when I think about it. But my babies were perfect, so tiny and soft, and I could see absolute devotion in the eyes of everybody who held them. A pure love that can only come from grandparents and great-grandparents. It was beautiful. 2008 cannot come fast enough. Time to write my congressman and see how that bill to add infertility coverage to federal/military insurance is coming along.