It's not porn, it's art (*edited*)

So, I did my photo shoot Friday night. It took me well over 4 hours to make the 3 hour drive across the state (oh the snow and blowing wind, and morons in front of me). I did impress myself, though. Those who know me understand my complete lack of direction, that I can't find anywhere without lots and lots of landmark instructions (I can't turn North, I have to turn left at the big stone house with the lime green doghouse out back). Anyway, I was driving along and all of a sudden everybody was parked, semi's were using their "I'm gonna be sitting here forever" brakes and everything. So, I wiggled my way down the offramp and found myself in a town I had never taken the time to notice existed. I zoomed off one way, turned at a random stoplight, followed a curve here and there, and magically found my way back to the expressway. And I did it all by myself without having a panic attack or anything. (Oh, and the spot I returned to the expressway at was less than 1/4 mile ahead of the accident that had apparently stopped all forward motion of traffic and would have left me stuck at the back of the line for a half hour at least if I hadn't skirted it with my supreme driving skills)

Yeah, back to the photos. Finally got there at nearly 5pm. These things take some preparation, as most clothing leaves marks on your body, especially after 4 hours in the car. I changed into pajama pants and a loose t-shirt, commando and braless. We had a drink to relax the atmosphere (I was about to get naked and let somebody take pictures of me like that, the drink was necessary) while we waited. I know, you must be curious- how did she do amateur night at a strip club if she can't handle one guy seeing her goods? The answer- no pictures at the strip club, it was live only, nothing to be taken home and framed. I might be in a frame, part of a portfolio, on his i-p.od at least. That did not happen before. And this was way more personal: posing, following instructions, trying to recreate his ideas in real life, and one-on-one. On the stage, I was in charge, I had all the power and control, I was giving the instructions not getting them. Friday night, I was just the model, the form, some curves. He adjusted lights, had me change angles, manipulated shadows. I was a prop, he had all the control, and he had clothes on. I did have some control, if anything was uncomfortable for me I could have said no and it would have been fine. But the whole thing was me giving him the control to make my body into his art.

We started out with him making a political statement. After a thorough lesson in gun safety- including no less than 6 checks to be sure none of the weapons were loaded and no ammunition was anywhere nearby- I was handcuffed (fakes with a safety release), blindfolded, and gagged with an American flag. Then there were a dozen test shots to adjust angles and lighting and zoom, and the final photos included simulated prayer with the gun aimed at me. Wow, it was definitely out of the ordinary. Whether I agree with the intended statement of the photo doesn't matter, it was the ability to participate in such a statement. A bit nerve-wracking, even though I knew the gun was empty I couldn't look at it when it was aimed at me (there were quite a few test shots before we included all the props for the actual photo), I made sure the blindfold was on and my eyes were closed any time he was holding it. Maybe it was partly because R has the same type gun, and I've seen the targets he's shot with it. I knew it was faked, but it felt almost too real for comfort the one time I got a glimpse up the barrel. Drink #2 came and went fast during the set-up and shooting of this photo, but can you blame me?

Next, things got a lot more relaxed. Lounging around, not even paying attention to the camera. He takes pictures of bodies, very few face shots, so I basically got to relax while he took pictures of the small of my back and the curve of my thigh and just the edge of a nipple. Some was on a white base with black background, some was on a huge oak table with a deep blue background. On the table he used publisher's lights for most of the lighting (those cute desk lamps with the green shades), and he had big stand lights and spotlights and fabric-ish reflector things.

And the spider. He bought a very delicate lime green and black glass spider in Venice a few years ago. He'd been wanting to use it as a prop for a while and decided I was perfect for the ideas he'd had. I'm really hoping some of the pictures with it show nothing too risque so I can post one to show you all. I hate spiders, but it was beautiful. Long tapered legs, metallic flecks in the glass of the body, fangs (ok, those were not my favorite part), a piece of art balanced on my body. The legs were kind of poky, it tickled/hurt when he sat it on me, I had to stay extra still so I didn't risk it falling off and breaking. It was a tedious bit of shooting, but I think I will love the end product. The hangover was definitely worth it, but I think if we do another shoot I'll lay off the drinking for the most part. It's hard to twist and arch and keep your arms out of the shot when you've had even 1/2 of what I drank.

I had to leave town a day earlier than expected (he had a family emergency and I didn't have any other reason to stay), so instead of getting a CD of pics at the end of the weekend I have to wait for it to be sent in the mail. I'll be stalking the mailbox all week. Well, maybe not till Wednesday. The earliest he could put it in at his end is today, and it takes at least 3 days for anything to get here, so it likely won't be here till Friday at the soonest, but that won't stop me from watching the mail lady come by until then. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I want to see my photos, but I'm also scared for anybody to see them. My brain knows how contradictory it is, because I can't wait to show off the pics (to a very select few people, but still showing off), but another part of me wants to hide them before even I see them.

Quick poll: should I let R see the pics? He chastized me for wanting to do the shoot, he quoted scripture and admonished me for premeditated sinning, he made it very clear that he considered it a sin, art or not, he tried to forbid me (yeah, like that would go over well). So, should he benefit from my sin? Should he have the opportunity to feel proud of his wife for being a bit of art? Should he be allowed to get aroused by the curves he forbid from being uncovered? He didn't want it to happen, he was very vocal against it, but now he thinks he should see every photo. I told him that he will not benefit from my sin, it would be as bad as comitting that sin himself. He thinks it's ok, that there is a level of degree in sinning, and that this isn't bad enough to upset God. For being so "fired up about God" R sure doesn't stick to the Word when it doesn't suit his ends.

*oh, and if anybody can very much dumb down the necessary instructions for adding photos on here- like the profile pic that everybody has, or the random AWing pics that people post and I'm too dumb to figure out- I would really appreciate it. And I do mean dumb down the instructions, all the way down to sub-moronic, how-does-she-make-her-own-toast-she's-so-stupid level. Thanks*